When Love Feels Like Fear 🍂💗

💭 The Feeling I Didn’t Expect

I thought love would feel calm.

But sometimes… it doesn’t.

Sometimes I’m standing near her in school,
and we don’t talk much.
We don’t look at each other.

And in that small moment,
something inside me feels… different.

Not because of her.

But because of my own thoughts.

😶 The Thoughts I Don’t Like

There are moments my mind starts overthinking.

Small things become big questions.

“Did I do something wrong?”
“Am I enough?”

I don’t always say it out loud.
But it’s there.

Not because she did anything wrong…

But because I’m still learning myself.

🧠 The Truth I’m Starting To See

Most of the time…
nothing is actually wrong.

She’s just being herself.
Living her life. Talking. Laughing.

And that’s normal.

But my brain?

It reacts faster than reality.

One small moment → too many thoughts

“evidence nathuwa hithanawa wadi wenawa”

⚖️ Choosing Love the Right Way

I could react.

I could question everything.

But I don’t want love like that.

I don’t want control.
I don’t want to limit her world.

So instead…
I choose to stay quiet and understand.

Not because I don’t feel anything.

But because I respect what we have.

😔 The Part I Don’t Show

If I’m being honest…

Sometimes I do feel a little scared.

Not of her.

But of losing something that means a lot to me.

And that fear?

It doesn’t come from her actions.

It comes from how much I value her.

🔍 What I’m Learning

I’m starting to understand something important.

Love isn’t just a feeling.

It’s also growth.

It’s learning to:

• stay calm
• trust more
• think clearly
• not let fear control everything

🧱 The Person I Want To Become

I don’t want to be someone who:

• overthinks everything
• gets affected by small moments
• needs constant reassurance

I want to be someone who:

• trusts deeply
• stays steady
• knows his value

Not perfect.

But improving.

🧠 Final Thought

Maybe everything isn’t always obvious.

Maybe some moments feel confusing.

But that doesn’t mean something is broken.

Sometimes…

It just means I’m still growing.

✍️ Realization

I don’t want to love with fear.

I want to love with understanding.

And I’m learning…

how to do that, step by step.

• Rishmika Sandanu Written from a true personal experience